Type: TEXT Joke

Content: PG-13

HOW A MAN CAN DETERMINE HIS AGE

 
A man's age can be determined by the

nature of the trips to Home Depot.
               
You're in the middle of some kind of project around the
house -- mowing the lawn, putting up a new fence, painting the living room,
or whatever. You are hot, sweaty, and covered in dirt or paint.  You have
your old work clothes on:  Shorts with a hole in the crotch, old T-shirt
with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.                
Right in the middle of this great home-improvement project
you realize you need to run to Home Depot

to get something to complete the job.  
 
Depending on your age you might do the following:  
               
In your 20s:
Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry
your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes.  Check
yourself in the mirror and flex.   Add a dab of your favorite cologne
because you never know, you just might meet some

hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  

And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
               
In your 30s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt..
Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your
hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add
a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running
the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
               
In your 40s:
Stop what you are doing.  Put on a sweatshirt that is long
enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different
shoes and a hat.  Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.  Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy young
thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird
thinking she is pretty.  
               
In your 50s:
Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off
your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don't want to get dog
doo-doo in your new sports car..  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear
not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.  The Cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still
have it..  Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer
Bar and it says, "I Got Worms."
               
In your 60s:
Stop what you are doing.  No need for a hat anymore.  Hose
the dog doo-doo off your shoes.  The mirror was shattered when you were in
your 50's.  You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in
your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have
your glasses on so you aren't sure.
               
In your 70s:
Stop what you are doing.  Wait to go to Home Depot until the
drug store has your prescriptions ready, too.  Don't even notice the dog
doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because
you remind her of her grandfather.  
               
In your 80s:
Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.
Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot.  Go to Wal-Mart instead and
wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud
and you think someone called out your name.  You went to school with the old
lady who greeted you at the front door.
               
In your 90s & beyond:
What's a Home Deep Hoe?  Something for my garden?
Where am I?
Who am I?
Why am I reading this?
Did I send it?  Did you?  
 
Who FARTED?

 

 

Submitted by: Ray Tennant

 

 

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